Fly These Rules Exquisitely

Posted on Posted in How To's, Mindset

Feels good when you fly in the right direction, right? Once you know the course you confidently soar forward.


Recently I taught a class on meditation to 16 people. As they strolled in and decided where they were going to sit, I realized this really wasn’t any different from online marketing and building a rapore with people on line.

Some people are uncomfortable initiating relationships with people online. Just like they may be with giving a live presentation, or teaching a class. Especially if you have an online business and need to let people know what you do and have to offer them.

So here are some golden guidelines for building relationships online. Fist – imagine you’re at a party in real life, a huge party like social media is. LOL…. Yea, Social Media is like one humongous party!

1. The Icebreaker

So there I was in front of 16 people starring at me. Heck, I thought – where do I begin? So I began with a story of the first time I was introduced to Mindful Meditation. My story became quite humerus as I explained how I had to eat Tofu for a week at this particular Meditation seminar. How I appeared to be meditating physically while my mind was racing with auto-pilot thoughts, and so on…

I made them laugh.

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I shared an experience they would also experience during my class, so I made my story relevant to them and humor helps a lot.

Online conversations should always start by asking about the other person first. One LAW of building relationships is always learning about someone else first because it demonstrates “caring”.

So a conversation online may start out something like this …

YOU: Hey, hope you don’t mind me contacting you – but I see we have some things in common

RESPONSE: Thank you …

YOU: How did you get involved with collecting x,y,z (Notice I did NOT present my business or even ask about theirs)
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2. Never Bring Up Business First

A Major turn off to someone you never met before is talking about business first. Think about when you go shopping at a store, a salesperson will walk up to you to try to sell you something, right? What do you do and say? No thanks and walk away.

So why do the very same thing in an online conversation with someone you don’t know?

3. Allow THEM to ask about Your Business

When you offer very little about what you do, curiosity sets in. Let it …

YOU: Oh, yea .. I’m familiar with that program ..

RESPONSE: Really? Are you in it?

YOU: No, it wasn’t a match for my marketing interests ..

RESPONSE: Oh .. what is that?

YOU: Well, I like building my marketing skills and that program didn’t offer enough in that area ..

RESPONSE: I need more skills too .. what’s the program you’re using?

YOU: Well, you may or may not be interested in x,y,z, would you like the link for more details?

RESPONSE: Sure, thanks, I’ll take a look

4. Never Come Across As Needy, Desperate, Or A Liar

The worst thing ever is “screaming” you’re business opportunity at the masses. It’s the most superficial thing you could possibly do and people will unfriend you on Facebook, delete you, or never respond to you, and you’ve lost a potential relationship that could lead to a friendship or a customer! ย DON’T DO THIS!!

5. Never Chase A Potential Relationship

Always relax and let time dictate the course of relationship building. People have lives offline and if someone doesn’t respond to you immediately – let it go. Things mat be happening in their lives and just don’t have the time to get back to you. Avoid taking a lack of response personally. Avoid asking them -what’s up?

Once I had someone reach out to me. We chatted, I gave them some information and didn’t hear back from them at all. ย Did I cry over it? No. I moved on. Sure enough ย they contacted me again many days later. You just never know. I’ve had people reach out to me years later … no fool’n! This is called – not being “attached to the outcome“. Letting it go. You can’t make people buy from you, be your friend, etc., unless THEY want to.

So, in many ways you have to take a “ZEN” approach to building relationships online and off.

I realized by the end of my class I had believers that meditation works and can change their lives in positive ways, as well as reducing stress. I told my personal experiences, the “why” I got involved with it and how it changed my life.

Building relationships is like teaching a topic – it starts out cold and as you warm up, people respond to you. When they get a genuine sense that you’re honest, caring, and not giving them B.S. they’ll open up to you.


Lesly Federici






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29 thoughts on “Fly These Rules Exquisitely

  1. Hi Lesly,

    An interesting parallel and you’re so right!

    When people approach me on Facebook right away with a pitch I totally ignore them. (And also those seeking to strike up a “friendship” by calling me “Dear” and telling me on Day 1 that “We will spend the rest of our lives together” even though we’re in different continents!! Yes really – sorry, for the diversion LOL.)

    As you say it’s very rare to make a sale out of the blue, but I’m glad to say that most of my sales have come from (and gone to!) people I consider my online friends.

    Someone signed up for something a few weeks back after I’d been Liking/Sharing his posts for no other reason than that I thought they were good ๐Ÿ™‚

    Enjoy the rest of your week, Joy
    Joy Healey recently posted…What Is Premier Cashback?My Profile

  2. Hi Joy,
    LOL .. I know exactly what you mean … and you’re proof that people getting to know you as much as they can online, get interested in what you have to offer! Love hearing that .. and I just don’t get why people continue to behave like that … and they wonder why no one responds .. duh … always great to see you visiting …

  3. Hey Chery ..
    Truthfully, I wouldn’t even beg for time … I would just move on and if someone was interested, they would seek me out .. so, human behavior is very interesting, right? Always great to see you visiting … ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I really enjoyed this post Lesly.

    I like how you told your story so that the main points were supported. You laid everything out so perfectly.

    If you start chasing money or people, you are like a predator. You start running faster and faster trying to catch money or people. What does your “prey” do? They either hide or run faster and faster getting further and further away from you. Anyway you try to chase after something, it just eludes you. That’s why I’ve never really liked the quotes about chasing or following your dreams. I believe you CHOOSE what your dreams are and then create a plan to turn them into reality.

    And, just for the record, I don’t beg anyone for anything either. I make things happen with the right people!

    Deborah A. Ten Brink recently posted…4 Useful WordPress Plugins That Bring Peace Of MindMy Profile

  5. The most important thing in building relationships online, as you note here Lesly, is to let people know you really care about them.

    That happens when you give them good, valuable information, and then move on…. totally attached from the outcome of the exchange.

    This is really the linchpin that builds a brand that people know, like and trust.

    The key ingredient is sincerity.

    You can’t fake caring.

    If you don’t truly care about helping your readers and prospects, then just try selling them stuff. Don’t worry if it’s good or helpful, just watch for your commissions. That’s how the majority of folks do business online, not because they’re mean, but because they really, just don’t care about others.

    I guess you can’t learn to care, but be assured, that if you really do… and if your crowd senses that you do… you’ll never want for lack of customers and clients.
    David Merrill 101 recently posted…Write Blog Posts Your Readers WantMy Profile

  6. When I first started online marketing, I’d accept friend requests from anyone and got so many pitches in the first message sent to me. Now I’m wiser I look at profiles and which friends we have in common. A profile page full of advertising is an excellent indication of the messages you are likely to get.

    I didn’t understood the idea that you don’t need to sell to make money. As I got to know and trust people it was these that I’d buy from, or join in ventures. Then it made sense.

    I laughed at the thought of having to eat Tofu for a week. I really don’t like it, and I think all I’d be meditating is my taste buds.
    Sue Bride recently posted…Tips for Using the Best Images for Blogs and Social MediaMy Profile

  7. It seems to me that every point you made was spot on Lesly. I am not one to “force” anything. If someone likes you, that’s good and if they want to buy from you, that’s even better. Why people have the idea that “here’s my link” to the next hype is going to work is beyond me. How can it when they don’t know what actually “floats your boat” as it were.
    Any suggestions on simple and short meditations for the morning BTW?
    Barrie Evans recently posted…Stop Complaining And Take Full Responsibility.My Profile

  8. Great stuff! Liked your mentioning your class and how you got on with total strangers.
    Having an icebreaker that’s funny and relates to them is standard stand up comedian stuff. When you meet someone you ask a question that shows you care enough to learn about them. I liked your see we have things in common conversation.

    If you bring up business first – it”s no thanks and they are out of there. Why people lead with this still is beyond me. It does not work, perhaps they are new to marketing.

    Allowing them to ask about your business offer only a little – and curiosity sets in.
    Good questions and response there. You NEVER want to appear needy desperate
    or the worst, a liar. So may people do this -scream their business opp first thing. I had one yesterday – “Are you open to an opp that doesn’t compete with your present company?” I said NO not at this time, but if you are interested in blogging please let me know. She did, said she was just setting up a blog. I gave her your video on PAC..

    Never chase a potential relationship. Avoid taking a lack of response personally
    You can’t make people buy from you, but can be a friend, they will be more
    likely from someone they know like and trust.
    Kathryn Maclean recently posted…5 Ways to Track Your Social Media MarketingMy Profile

  9. Great post Lesly,
    Really, building up a solid relationship with people can be difficult sometimes and also fun sometimes, It all depends on how you approach it.

    I agree with the idea of never starting the conversation with someone the first time with business. Its always better to be personal at first, and then talk about business sometime down the line.

    Also, its really good to be entertaining and humorous when addressing people if not, you will be sounding very boring most of the time and this will make the audience to loose interesting on your message.
    Theodore Nwangene recently posted…Newsjacking โ€“ 21 Ways to Be Sure Youโ€™re Doing it RightMy Profile

  10. HI Lesly,

    Now this is awesome advice! There have been many times where people get in contact with me and I wondered if we’d work together. I’ll let it go and they always come back to get started but at their time. I’m no salesperson and I’m not going to be pushy. I know if the person really wants my services they’ll contact me when it’s best for them.

    Thanks for sharing this post! I think many people will learn so much this.

    Take care,
    Lillian De Jesus recently posted…Awesome Visual Marketing Tips – Blog RoundupMy Profile

  11. Hi Lesly,

    What a great post. I think there are a lot of ways to break the ice with people, depending on your personality. Your points posted above are definitely a good start to anyone not quite sure how to get started.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Monna Ellithorpe recently posted…We Are All CoachesMy Profile

  12. Hi Lesly,

    I enjoyed this post and the way you have given the analogy in your meditation class to our business here online.

    We cannot push ourselves on people. Rather, sit back chill, and if we see something interesting, start engaging with that person. Giving them credit where credit is due! Sharing their content and so on.

    It is just like in real life. We wouldn’t go up to a person and say “hey I’m Donna and I want you to buy xyz” The reaction would be the person would run away or worse punch you in the nose ( ha ha just kidding) But really, we do have to be mindful of others.

    Love this post my friend.

    Donna Merrill recently posted…The Road To PeriscopeMy Profile

  13. Hi Lesly,
    a icebreaker story and make people laugh is good to
    loosen up. and make people feel good and they are more
    open to what you have to day. But it would not be good to
    want to sell them something right away.
    You give good advice here . Giving without expectation..
    The right people will come and connect if they feel somebody cares.
    Thank you
    Erika Mohssen-Beyk recently posted…Learning How To Learn – A Poem – Thank You AllMy Profile

  14. Hey Lesly,

    Really enjoyed your post! You are right, building relationships online is pretty much the same offline as well by following these easy rules ๐Ÿ™‚ So simple but we tend to make our online relationship building so difficult lol ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks for sharing these great tips! As always enjoy your value my friend ๐Ÿ™‚ BIG HUGS!
    Joan Harrington recently posted…How To Find The Right Audience For YouMy Profile

  15. Hi Lesly,
    Thanks very much for this article. It really has revolutionized my thinking on developing relationships online, in particular and your analogy resonates with me. What you have said is really true both on and offline. As a teacher of adults, developing relationships with my students is never an easy task. There is a lot of uncertainty and mistrust at the outset but as they began to see the honesty and value in what I am imparting then trust begins to develop into friendships to the point where my advise is sought. This is where our marketing efforts should be aimed.

    Thanks for a wonderful post.
    vinton samms recently posted…Guidelines for participation in FB Challenges, Groups, ETCMy Profile

  16. Hi Vinton,
    I did not know you were also a teacher! So you know exactly what I’m discussing .. if marketers could use the same methods, they would be in better shape, make more connections, and build their business better. But instead, they are pushing them away , right? Always great to see you visiting … thank you

  17. Hi Erika,
    I believe this too .. we all have an audience that will enjoy what we share, so never worry about this. It’s the “Law of Attraction” working at it’s best … always great to see you .. thank you …

  18. Hi My friend Donna..
    No. In reality we would not push a relationship on someone! Short of them thinking we have some kind of psychological problem, it certainly is not the way … so why would it be any different , ya know? Online? I may be writing about this a lot, but if someone hears it enough times .. maybe it will make them decide to use different tactics … one can only hope, right? Thank you for visiting, always great to see you here …

  19. Hey Lillian,
    Great to see you visiting … yes, when it’s in a person’s mind they need something they will seek it out. In the meantime, keep doing what you do, let people know,and others will gravitate to you … always enjoy seeing you visit …

  20. Hello Theodore,
    Sorry for the delay in replying to your message .. first, thank you for visiting! Yes, humor goes a l-o-n-g way. it loosens things up, “warms” up the crowd, right? I use it a lot … thanks again for the visit and hope to see you again!

  21. Hi Kathryn,
    I know it’s challenging for some to fall into the “gotta present my opportunity” mentality because that seems to be the “quick” approach when in reality it takes even longer! Why? Because you just “turned-off” a potential client/prospect and will take that much longer for them to come around again if ever … right? LOL .. but most marketers aren’t taught this – they’re taught just approach and move on. There’s nothing meaningful in a transaction like this. People should always be respected …. meaningful relationships/connections have so much more value and benefits … always great to see you visiting …

  22. Hi Sue,
    LOL .. yes, it was quite an experience eating Tofu for a week … I have not had it since … but it was a very good good icebreaker … I did actually the same thing you did! Accept friends, now I am very careful and picky.. which is a good thing .. but it’s a learning curve isn’t it .. always great seeing you visit, thank you …

  23. Hi David,
    Sorry for the delay in getting back to you … No, you can’t fake caring, and people are smart! They they pick up BS when they hear it … and integrity, honesty, authenticity, speak volumes and reap the best benefits … wonderful seeing you visit.. thank you …

  24. What a great article Lesly told with humor and poise . Made me smile as I could see you there!

    And online questions are the answer people like to be noticed for who they are and what they’re up to . n not just business, business, business

    Thanks for some great ideas


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