I thought I would share my biggest pothole with you.
So, I want to share the “BIG” one that has held me back the most in hopes of generating some insights in your own life. And I held back silently.
I’ll even share (maybe) what helped me. I don’t know what this guy said to me, maybe it was several things, but something clicked and I’m ready now to move forward like I never have before …
There’s actually two big “potholes” that I’ve had to deal with, perhaps three . I’ll stick to two – they’re all related. And I’m actually accepting of them now and finding the “gems” in them all.
The first was losing my eyesight. Boy did that throw a monkey wrench into my life, and my marriage some 17 years ago. I could no longer drive or work as a clinical Nurse. So, what was I to do?
My/our income dropped dramatically and my husband found himself driving me everywhere and becoming the sole provider.
I had two choices.
I could sit on the “pity pot” and feel sorry for myself or learn new skills that would keep me employable. I chose the second – I reinvented myself and became a Nurse Educator, a Reiki Master, a Hypnotist, and continued to do my art. You don’t need perfect vision to teach or recreate yourself.
Over the years my vision has gotten worse. For those that know me personally you’d never know. I hide it well – it is what it is and it doesn’t define who I am as a person. However, I think its taken more of a toll on my husband than he likes to admit – and doesn’t. But it changed our relationship.
The second is my Marriage.
I’ve been married to the same man for 24 years. An accomplishment in itself! Maybe about 10 years ago he told me he no longer loved me, he didn’t feel the same about me, or was attracted to me anymore.
Wow, geesh, what do you say to that? I was heart broken. Here’s the confusing part: He’s never asked for a divorce. I couldn’t understand why someone would want to stay married if they no longer loved that person? So, my self worth went in the toilet. I gained weight. I picked arguments to get attention. The glue that kept us as a “team” was our son, who I love dearly.
I was trying to figure it out for years. As of today I have let it go and my husband and I are amicable friends, companions, still anticipating growing old together. Heck, after all these years we’ve established a lifestyle that is comfortable. And perhaps there is “love” there – a genuine caring for each other.
However, I had no dream, no ambition, no drive. I didn’t know how to think beyond what I was experiencing. Life was just, life. this was it. No support. No love. No strokes – I had to create moments of appreciation elsewhere, externally, to feed my starving sense of well being and worthiness. I got it from the people I taught Meditation to in my classes and I got it through the people I have met online (you know who you are).
I am telling you this because everything I needed to do or believe was within me. Self worth doesn’t come from being valued by others.
I had to learn how to believe in myself. Once I did I viewed my life differently.
One thing I was stuck on was having a “bodacious” dream to work towards. I couldn’t think of one. When you’ve been numb for so long, designing a new future can be challenging. And it’s not so much about designing a new future, but starting from where you’re at, at the moment, and breathing new life into all the tomorrows with a different perspective.
So I got ideas from other people. I listened to other people’s stories, and it freed me, gave me permission to create a dream, envision a future and actually believe it.
In business, especially in Internet/networking Marketing you’re asked to write your “WHY” down on paper. Guess what? Many people don’t have one because they’re just as numb from something, because their own vision of themselves is tangled up in “it’ll never happen because … ”
My life lessons are heartbreaking yet magical because of what they’ve given me:
- Love and appreciate myself
- Other peoples’ opinions of me are based on their perceptions of their lives and have nothing to do with me
- My self-worth isn’t dependent on others
- I am my own best friend
- Dreams – what I want to achieve in life, can morph, change into new ones as I change
- My future expands from the my actions today
- My past is just that – my past. No need to revisit it
- I can only accept people as they are
The biggest realization was, I had been so angry and depressed (i think), I couldn’t “see” through it. It clouded my thoughts and my ability to stay positive became difficult and happened in spurts ….
So I share all of this with you because everyone has something in their lives, haunting them, that’s heartbreaking, a painful experiences, disappointments .. something – no matter how large or small. And it really makes a difference in your life if you continue to hang on to it or let it go.
When you let it go, it opens a new way of being and new and better experiences to flow to you simply because your heart is more loving .. and that is absolutely magical.
This is how you change the direction of your life. If you can do this, see the lessons and let them guide you, put the lessons to action … then you’re getting your “Head Straight”.. and ready for business. Sound good?