My Biggest Pothole

Posted on Posted in How To's, Mindset

I thought I would share my biggest pothole with you.

I’ve been writing a lot about rising above despair, lies that hold you back from your potential, and your successes in life, and getting your “Head Straight” for business online or off right?

So, I want to share the “BIG” one that has held me back the most in hopes of generating some insights in your own life. And I held back silently.

I’ll even share (maybe) what helped me. I don’t know what this guy said to me, maybe it was several things, but something clicked and I’m ready now to move forward like I never have before …

There’s actually two big “potholes” that I’ve had to deal with, perhaps three . I’ll stick to two – they’re all related. And I’m actually accepting of them now and finding the “gems” in them all.

The first was losing my eyesight. Boy did that throw a monkey wrench into my life, and my marriage some 17 years ago. I could no longer drive or work as a clinical Nurse. So, what was I to do?

My/our income dropped dramatically and my husband found himself driving me everywhere and becoming the sole provider.

I had two choices.

I could sit on the “pity pot” and feel sorry for myself or learn new skills that would keep me employable. I chose the second – I reinvented myself and became a Nurse Educator, a Reiki Master, a Hypnotist, and continued to do my art. You don’t need perfect vision to teach or recreate yourself.

Over the years my vision has gotten worse. For those that know me personally you’d never know. I hide it well – it is what it is and it doesn’t define who I am as a person. However, I think its taken more of a toll on my husband than he likes to admit – and doesn’t. But it changed our relationship.

The second is my Marriage.

I’ve been married to the same man for 24 years. An accomplishment in itself! Maybe about 10 years ago he told me he no longer loved me, he didn’t feel the same about me, or was attracted to me anymore.

KA BOOM!

Wow, geesh, what do you say to that? I was heart broken. Here’s the confusing part: He’s never asked for a divorce. I couldn’t understand why someone would want to stay married if they no longer loved that person?Β So, my self worth went in the toilet. I gained weight. I picked arguments to get attention. The glue that kept us as a “team” was our son, who I love dearly.

I was trying to figure it out for years. As of today I have let it go and my husband and I are amicable friends, companions, still anticipating growing old together. Heck, after all these years we’ve established a lifestyle that is comfortable. And perhaps there is “love” there – a genuine caring for each other.

However, Β I had no dream, no ambition, no drive. I didn’t know how to think beyond what I was experiencing. Life was just, life. this was it. No support. No love. No strokes – I had to create moments of appreciation elsewhere, externally, to feed my starving sense of well being and worthiness. I got it from the people I taught Meditation to in my classes and I got it through the people I have met online (you know who you are).

I am telling you this because everything I needed to do or believe was within me. Self worth doesn’t come from being valued by others.

I had to learn how to believe in myself. Once I did I viewed my life differently.

One thing I was stuck on was having a “bodacious” dream to work towards. I couldn’t think of one. When you’ve been numb for so long, designing a new future can be challenging. And it’s not so much about designing a new future, but starting from where you’re at, at the moment, and breathing new life into all the tomorrows with a different perspective.

So I got ideas from other people. I listened to other people’s stories, and it freed me, gave me permission to create a dream, envision a future and actually believe it.

In business, especially in Internet/networking Marketing you’re asked to write your “WHY” down on paper. Guess what? Many people don’t have one because they’re just as Β numb from something, because their own vision of themselves is tangled up in “it’ll never happen because … ”

My life lessons are heartbreaking yet magical because of what they’ve given me:

  • Love and appreciate myself
  • Other peoples’ opinions of me are based on their perceptions of their lives and have nothing to do with me
  • My self-worth isn’t dependent on others
  • I am my own best friend
  • Dreams – what I want to achieve in life, can morph, change into new ones as I change
  • My future expands from the my actions today
  • My past is just that – my past. No need to revisit it
  • I can only accept people as they are

The biggest realization was, I had been so angry and depressed (i think), I couldn’t “see” through it. It clouded my thoughts and my ability to stay positive became difficult and happened in spurts ….

So I share all of this with you because everyone has something in their lives, haunting them, that’s heartbreaking, a painful experiences, disappointments .. something – no matter how large or small. And it really makes a difference in your life if you continue to hang on to it or let it go.

When you let it go, it opens a new way of being and new and better experiences to flow to you simply because your heart is more loving .. and that is absolutely magical.

This is how you change the direction of your life. If you can do this, see the lessons and let them guide you, put the lessons to action … then you’re getting your “Head Straight”.. and ready for business. Sound good?

 

Lesly Federici

 

 

 

 

PS – What are your thoughts about this post? Comment below
PSS – This man got to me
PSS – Β My personal Mentor program

 

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31 thoughts on “My Biggest Pothole

  1. Hey Lesly, Wow Quite the article my friend! Life is what it is HUH? We can either sit back and take the hand that is dealt to us or we can do something about it. HUM? I think I said that right? Anyways I love what you are doing and what you are all about Lesly.

    Thanks for sharing your story with us and do keep up the great work
    Love Ya Girl
    Chery :))

  2. Hi Joy ..
    I had to think a bit on how to respond to you … I think losing loved ones is far more upsetting than losing my eyesight… that was NOT easy for you and to happen more than once … what are the odds of that! Thank you for the kind words and the same to you .. much success to you xxx

  3. Hi Donna,
    My awesome friend … LOL ” you are a leader …” – thank you for this: But we have to push ourselves and overcome. It is like blossoming into a new beautiful flower and that my friend you did. Now you are a leader in the internet world and highly respected and loved for all you do. You are the best! – much love to you xxx

  4. Hi Sue,
    Wonderful to see you visiting, thank you … and thank you for such kind words .. I am stronger, I fell down and picked myself up .. and it’s all okay, it’s all good. I hope I inspire others in someway. Looking into the mirror is not easy but so well worth it …

  5. Hi Mark,
    Thank you so much for the visit! I appreciate it .. I’ll be moving on to more interesting topics now that I got all this out of my systems .. LOL Come back soon alright? And, I’ll be visiting you too πŸ™‚

  6. What a truly inspiring story Lesly!

    It sure is easy to hide from and or be in complete denial,
    when it comes to confronting our various challenges, isn’t it?

    But you have amply demonstrated how and why, we definitely need to view our
    challenges as stepping stones to greater and greater insights and opportunities to build
    much stronger character and resolve!

    Then and only then, will we have the necessary courage and
    confidence to meet future challenges head on!Thanks!

  7. In my experience it’s climbing out of the deepest of potholes that makes us stronger and happier. So I sincerely hope that you are happy, Lesly, because this post shows how strong you are. Thank goodness you are now confident in yourself because it means that you’re able to be an inspiration and a support to so many.

  8. It’s easy to say that adversity makes us stronger, isn’t it.

    And reading your post certainly lends credence to that, Lesly.

    But it’s the last thing any of us want to hear when we’re actually experiencing heart=rending events, and seemingly insurmountable pain.

    During those times, we can only focus on our higher sense of power… the source of our inner strength and deeper security than the events that seem overbearing at the moment.

    You’ve grown so through all the adversities , and I’m sure have found a far greater sense of purpose for yourself in the process.

    Thanks for sharing your fascinating story with us.

  9. Hi Lesly,
    This is an amazing step you are taking
    Tell it all to all is indeed a daring decision!
    Yes, the key words here is “BELIEVE IN MYSELF!!”
    Yes, that takes you to the other end whatever may be the climate, the situation in between!
    Sure to win if we have full confidence within ourselves!
    Keep sharing my friend
    I can very well relate to some of the areas where you shared in this
    Good one
    Keep going
    Share on!!!
    Best
    ~ Phil

  10. Hi Lesly,

    There is always something in our lives that we have to overcome and I appreciate you sharing yours. The good thing is you turned from victim to victor!

    I had gone through hell in my previous marriage but didn’t go to the pity pot. Instead I took a journey within my inner self via therapy and many other modalities to gain self esteem which I found out I never had Errrr…..

    But we have to push ourselves and overcome. It is like blossoming into a new beautiful flower and that my friend you did. Now you are a leader in the internet world and highly respected and loved for all you do.

    You are the best!

    -Donna

  11. Hi Lesly

    What a marvelous and honest post.

    My husband left me about 13 years ago, and then my new partner died of cancer almost 3 years ago after a long illness – but hey, I had my eyesight so my problems pale into insignificance compared to yours.

    Well done for you spirit and long may your success continue.

    Joy

  12. Thank you Lesly.

    Not very many people are willing to find a way through the fog that clouds their judgement. Sometimes we become so comfortable that we are unwilling to change, Why should we ? Things are ‘OK’ but ..really.. how long will ‘OK’ cut it ? Things need to change and once the world opens up to the blockages they have then and only then the world will be a better place.

    If we are ready to change out destiny’s then then we need to change our present. We can ONLY do this when we are ready to do so.

    William

  13. Hi Lesly,
    Girl, you are amazing. This is huge, wow what a story…
    You are so right you are your best friend but also your best enemy…
    I really like:
    “Other peoples’ opinions of me are based on their perceptions of their lives and have nothing to do with me”
    It took me so ling to understand that πŸ™‚
    Love you Lesly, love who you are my friend!

  14. Hi Kelli,
    Sometimes transparency is a good thing … I have been quiet for a long time. I’m realizing when you share somethings about yourself… people get a different perspective and relate to you more .. I’m hoping opening up will help others to see their problems as gifts, because that’s just what they are .. thank you for your love and appreciation …

  15. Hi Delila,
    Wonderful to see you visiting again, and appreciate your kind words. Thank you for the wonderful feedback too .. I hope to inspire many and have some kind of impact .. thank you for the blessings .. to you as well

  16. Hi Deborah,
    Sending you a huge hug … thank you. You have such a lovely way with words and I appreciate your kind words greatly. Well, I am always there for you – we go back a long way and that’s what true friendship is all about .. supporting and helping each other … thank you

  17. Hi Monna,
    There’s something wonderful about writing and releasing that which haunts you … I know you understand this very well … and I hope what I share helps others to reflect on their own live and rise above it and do incredible things … thank you Monna for being my friend – I appreciate you

  18. Hey Kathryn,
    I send you a huge hug … I understand the vision thing. I have no central vision in both eyes.. and partial peripheral.. I have tools that enlarge the print, and these days, the computer comes with some useful accessories … I guess after being married for so many years .. the relationship is bound to change… and I love my moments of appreciation for sure.. thank you my friend πŸ™‚

  19. Hi BG..
    Thank you for the loving words .. we all have something in our lives that hust us in some way, but we don’t have to live by what it is.. we can always create new ways … thank you for visiting πŸ™‚

  20. Very valuable lesson for all of us… enjoy our lives, move past the hurts, rise to the challenges, and believe in our dreams. There is power in healing and you’ve accessed the road to it, and given a gift to many of us to walk with you and do the same for ourselves. Powerful message. Thank you for your courage to share this with us.

  21. Pot holes be damned Lesly, those were more like craters!

    Thanks for sharing your Big one – losing your eyesight.
    I can emphasize, I am only partially sighted in one eye.
    Should anything happen to my good eye, I could not read with
    only peripheral vision, not even see faces. This terrifies me.

    The other, marriage is never perfect that’s for sure. I am in a
    30 year relationship, 20 yrs of it married. It has evolved to a
    mutually beneficial partnership, in business together as well. I
    don’t know what to say to you except, take it for what it is and
    get your ” moments of appreciation” from other people.

    Be your own best friend Lesly.
    Your head is on straight girl!

  22. Hi Lesly,

    I know this post was so hard for you to write and share but I did something similar to this a while back and it does make a difference. Don’t you think? Somehow once you put those words out there, you feel like you are now the one in control again.

    My dear friend, you are such an inspiration to all of us and you have helped me in so many ways. Just remember I am there if you need me. πŸ™‚

  23. This post really blew me away Lesly. You sure do cover any weaknesses well. Actually, they aren’t weaknesses anymore, they are strengths! You have risen above all the hurt, pain, and disappointment!

    Your story is raw, real, and shared with love and genuine caring to inspire others to move on with their lives as well. You are a true inspiration to many. I know I have called upon you more than once to help uplift and encourage me. Now I see where your strength comes from. Deep within.

    As always, wishing you love, peace, and tremendous success!

    Love you much Lesly,

    Deborah

  24. Thank you for sharing Lesly. You found great insights as to what you needed to do in order to move forward with your life. Be blessed Lesly. I see how far you have come since I first met you a year ago and I see you continuing to move forward and growing in your life and in your business. Love and blessings sent your way! <3

  25. Thank you, Lesly, for being so transparent in telling your story. So many of us get paralyzed by our own situation and circumstance that it’s healing to know that we are not alone. I’m thrilled that you’ve figured out ways to love, live, and laugh again. It’s so important!

    You are a blessing!!
    Kelli

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