The Push Got Me To Now

Posted on Posted in Mindset

When you grow up thinking you’re a worthless human being, your self-esteem drops into the toilet, flushes down into the streams flowing to the sea.. and who knows what will happen next. Because the soul is lost.

My soul was lost for years.

I dropped out of high school at 16, traveled some (Italy, Austria). When I was in Vienna, Austria I saw a cathedral that was still being repaired from WWII. I stood on cobble stoned streets that at one time, long ago, the Romans had marched on.

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I experienced an overwhelming, breathtaking since of history, what lives and experiences had gone before me. Yet there I stood amazed at life and the power of time.

That worldly experience pushed me to be a better person than I was at that time (or thought I was) and gave me hope in creating my own confident history. But I didn’t know where to begin.

When I returned home, to the USA, it wasn’t long after that I moved to Maine. I lived in a small town and everyone knew who everyone was. There was one stop light,bar,store, and gas station. Yet, there was a paper mill and about 15 miles away from town there was a shoe factory.

I worked at the shoe mill for several months sewing shoes. It was an intense job and competitive (who could sew the most in an hour). I worked on a “double needle” sewing machine and one day actually sewed my finger….. which led to the decision to leave that job.

I then got hired at the paper mill.  I worked on the conveyor belt and grabbed a bunch of hot (from the dryer) wooden Popsicle sticks as they rapidly moved past me, quickly packed them in a box, and grabbed the next handful.  If you’re familiar with “I Love Lucy” and the famous episode of Lucy and Ethel picking out chocolates on the conveyor belt – well that was me only it was Popsicle sticks…

The factory was so noisy I had to wear ear plugs. They were huge and you could see them poking out of your ears. I worked with 3 other women and we all had our places standing around the conveyor belt collecting the Popsicle sticks.  One day I looked at them, saw the ear plugs, looked around the factory and asked myself this:

“What am I doing here …?”

The “push” was experiencing jobs that were so mindless (for me) that forced me to think – is this all there is? Is this all I’m going to do in my life? The push was learning what I didn’t want in my life which opened new opportunities.

I moved back home and made the biggest push decision ever – to return to school. I received my GED, and enrolled in a two year community college. I  never wrote a book report, essay, or research paper before. So I had to take an English class 4 times because my writing and English skills were horrible. I took math classes 4 times until I passed. Eventually I graduated, transferred to a 4 year college, , graduated with college honors with a BA in Museum Studies and Art Education.

The “Push” of what you don’t want will always lead you to other experiences. The mistakes I’ve made along the way – and I don’t really think of them as mistakes.. just a learning journey to becoming a better person.

I opened this post with my soul being lost.. these experiences only helped to morph me into who I am now, more confident and accepting of life and what it brings – good and bad.

My, writing a lot about myself! Hope you enjoy it all. If you’d like to read some more awesome blogger posts .. check them out here …

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23 thoughts on “The Push Got Me To Now

  1. This is an inspirational post. I identified with you wondering if this was all there is. So glad you got that push. For me I needed a few but God is good and life is good when its all said and done. I remember a time I got so frustrated trying to get rid of low self esteem when I figured out this is who I am there is no cure. I just need to get the tools to overcome those moments when I feel like I can’t, feel like I’m less then so I can get over the hump. Once I did that I delivered to myself the proof that I could do things and that fear was a liar and my negative self talk was sabotaging me. From there the negative self talk decreased. What a natural high when those days come and I get over the hump. A real “You go girl” moment.

  2. Hello Aravinth,
    Thank you and welcome! I agree with you completely .. life is such a personal development “Laboratory”… we each have our own path to create. May yours be a wonderful journey as well.. thank you for taking the time to visit and comment … 🙂

  3. Vienna eh? Brings back some nice memories of music and singing and wonderful architecture. After the brutality of 2 wars, it’s a miracle how so many beautiful places survived! AND Lesly, how we can all “push” through from things we hate and move forward with the drive and determination to make a difference. Well done you!

  4. Hi Lesly,

    Thanks for the Inspiring Post. The video content was so funny but meaningful.
    Most of us have low self-esteem in the starting stage. But only when breakthrough occurs only we are able to see our own potential and our strength.

    Thanks again.

  5. Hello my friend Ikechi,
    Love seeing you visit 🙂 I’ve been writing a lot about my life to hopefully show others that they can always change their circumstance .. it may be hard – but the decisions we make not only affect our lives, but the lives of others…. thank you for the kind words.. heartfelt and appreciated…

  6. Oh Joy,
    What a wonderful thing to say … I’m very grateful for this feedback about me and PAC – thank you. What you shared here is so personal I can only say this and with love because I have experienced this myself. When I looked for validation or to prove myself to others, I never found out who I was because it was more important to prove myself on their terms. I would guess that if you stopped doing this you would discover and SEE how amazing YOU are and how the things you do are indeed remarkable. I know this because I see it. Much love to you … and always wonderful to see you visiting …

  7. Hello Kabie,
    Thanks for visiting my blog. You have an interesting one … I was curious to see yours. Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate the visit 🙂

  8. Hello Lesly,

    Let me of course admit as well, this is indeed an inspiring post you’ve shared with us. Working without a life purpose is a wasteful life indeed.

    You’ve motivated many including myself as well with this post of yours.

  9. Hi Lesly,

    What a great post – it was lovely to read about your youthful experiences and what finally pushed you out of your comfort zone. And thank goodness it did – as we now have you leading PAC and such an encouragement to us all.

    I suffer from low self-esteem because I feel I can never measure up to the things my parents achieved. They never “downed me” – quite the reverse, but I just hold / held them in such high esteem that I feel I can never match what they achieved, even though they started from a far more humble background than the situation that their hard work placed me in.

    I suppose my constant drive to make a success of blogging is just another way in which I want to “measure up” to their shining example.

    Loved the Lucy clip 🙂

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

  10. Hi, Lesly

    What an inspirational real life story you have. This kind of story I love to read because there is always some life story for us to learn – stand up from ashes. This is not an accident that people came across to read this, I believe it is divine appointment.

    The older I got, the stronger I believe that the unique life experience that each one has, should not just go down with us to the graves, but as an inspiration for others to achieve higher in life. Your story did fulfill that purpose.

    Have a great week.

    Stella Chiu

  11. Hi Lesly

    You show that there is no excuse to push ourselves. I can imagine the horror you had to go thought to survive but I love your determination to make your life better and how it has turned out.

    You are simply an inspiration. Thank you so much for this lovely post. There are so much golden nuggets. Take Care

  12. Hey Kathryn,
    It’s all good .. I wouldn’t be who I am without the rich experiences I’ve had. We all have something to overcome .. right? Now is that a GOOD thing – about my writing skills and PAC… LOL … appreciate you .. and I am full steam ahead …

  13. Hi Lesly,
    You wrote about losing your soul for years. I can relate, this also happened to me.
    Some of us have low self-esteem early in life due to many things. Finding your push with getting out of meaningless jobs was your DO IT moment. There comes a time when you either give up or do something to improve your situation. Luckily for us in PAC you decided to go back to school and apply yourself with your writing skills. ( I didn’t know about the Math classes)
    Continue your life’s journey morphing into a confident person, able to accept life and what it brings – be it good as well as bad. Great article!.

  14. Hi Sue..
    No, I never did have a “travel bug” my trip to Europe was an experience my mother actually forced me to have at the time. My brother had died, I was being a rebellious teenager and the money she received from my brothers accidental death – she sent me to stay with a family she knew in Vienna. But it certainly changed my perception of life – which was a very good thing. A lot of similarities we have … here’s a crazy thought.. I often wonder why childhood, growing up takes so long. It’s like we have layers of experience, good, bad, and then we spend our adult years making sense and dealing with all the negativity that happened when we were children. Peeling back the layers to breathe a new way of existing … I guess writing all this stuff about me has inspired a philosophical state of mind … lol love you 🙂

  15. Hi Deborah,
    Thank you for visiting .. always great to see you … this is what makes being alive, and having a life to live is so remarkable because of the variety in our stories. Not one person’s life and story is duplicated, sure there may be similarities, but everyone on this planet is unique… and maybe sharing it is inspirational to others reading it …you never know how you make a difference and I hope I do … thank you for your kind words … means a lot my friend 🙂

  16. Hi Paula,
    Yea, very young and lost. There’s always a story begind the events in your life. Going to Europe is another one. I think I write about it in my “About Me” page. It was quite an adventure! Wonderful to see you visiting … thank you

  17. I can relate to so much of your story, Lesly. Feelings of worthlessness and lack of confidence. Money was tight at home with my mother, who wasn’t well, living on a widow’s pension and child benefits. My mind numbingly boring jobs were only during weekends and school/colleges holidays. They stunk – well the one at the fish factory literally did but it paid better than other temp jobs. At least I always got a whole seat to myself on the bus home.

    I was lucky in that grants were generous in the UK back then and paid for most of my accommodation, food, and university fees. I imagine it was much tougher for you and I admire your push.

    I too did some traveling around Europe, before settling in Australia. The travel bug never left me. How about you?

    It took me a long time to gain confidence but, thinking about it now, it’s always been life’s challenges that gave me the push. When the going gets tough the tough might get going, but so do those with the potential to,

  18. I think it’s therapeutic to write about your life and revisit what once was. Often it’s a humbling experience and makes us appreciate what we have so much more!

    You are a strong person and did the best you could with what was going on with you at the time. Often, when the Universe conspires to “push” you out of a place, it has something much better in mind.

    Your story just confirms what I already know.

    Blessings and much success Lesly!

    Deborah

  19. Awesome sharing. You were so brave to explore Europe at that young age. Amazing, reminds me abit of my brother in law Andy daughter.
    You definitely journeyed young!

  20. Hey Bren,
    How wonderful to see you visiting! Thanks! Yea, been writing about myself a lot lately… lol .. that’s the blogging challenge and responding to set topics. Yea, it’s been a long road .. but worth it. I look forward to learning more about you too! Thanks again for stopping by … 🙂

  21. Hi Lesly,

    What a truly inspiring post! I love how you found your “push” but doing what you found to be “mindless”. At least you found the strength and motivation to go back to school, further your education, and find something you are passionate about.

    I applaud your courage and determination. Thank you for sharing your story with us!

    Bren

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